Nov 24 min read

I have "Found What I'm Looking For"

"I have spoke with the tongue of angels, I have held the hand of the devil, It was warm in the night, I was as cold as a stone..." (U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For)

BUT NOT ANYMORE...

...I have "Found What I'm Looking For"

Sure it took moving to Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, to actually find it, but since moving here, I have learned that what I was looking for, wasn't really what I thought I was looking for after all.

It was something far simpler, I just didn't understand it until now, but it is something most people actually take for granted, but something some of us just don’t experience at all.

Because I was once married to a woman, I have experienced what life is like in society for a man and a woman, and in particular, with respect to public displays of affection.

From 2007 onwards, after I "came out", I then experienced (in Queensland) what life is like as a gay man, and in particular, with respect to public displays of affection, but also, just simply being two men going to the movies, or sitting at a table over dinner, where the assumption is we are partners.

Because of this stark difference in the way people look at you, or make comments (in Queensland, and particularly regional Queensland), I found myself feeling more at ease in gay venues in Queensland.

Sadly however, there really are not any such venues north of Brisbane itself. Perhaps that might have something to do with the now infamous words of a Queensland politician who actually said there are no gays in my electorate (Not the only gay in the electorate - ABC News).

After returning to beautiful Bargara near Bundaberg, Queensland in December 2023, to rewrite a fateful chapter in my history from 1982-1985, I relocated to Melbourne, Victoria in July 2024 because after visiting Melbourne for 10 days in June 2024, I thought I really wanted to live in a vibrant city full of gay and gay friendly venues with lots of other visible gay people so that I would feel "more at home".

But after living in Melbourne now for 4 months, I have come to realise what I was looking for wasn't really to live in a vibrant city with lots of gay and gay friendly venues with other visible gay people, it was something far simpler.

I actually wanted to feel like I used to when I was married to a woman, but of course not actually be with a women, but my male partner.

I simply wanted to feel like I could behave just like everyone else out in public and not feel different, scorned, vilified or the subject of hate and discrimination.

In Melbourne, but also in regional Victoria, I have now come to realise, I can feel just like everyone else in Victoria, because here, it is perfectly acceptable and safe to behave just like everyone else, but as two gay men.

I have found I can do what everyone else is doing out on the street or in any venue because anywhere I have been so far, it's been perfectly okay.

We get smiles, people chat to us like anyone else and we do feel like we belong in society.

So what I was really looking for after all was to just fit into society like everyone else does, but as two gay partners.

It has just taken me the last 4 months to work out what it really was about Melbourne I really loved.

It's not the venues themselves, or the coffee, the food, the arts, the entertainment or the architecture, like I thought it was. It’s quite simply the people. They are inclusive, accepting, cultural and as a generalisation of the whole population in Melbourne, including regional Victoria, they quite simply treat you just like everyone else.

So now we do go about our lives just like everyone else does.

We visit all sorts of venues like everyone else does, but we also sometimes visit the gay specific venues too.

But for the first time ever in my life now, I no longer feel I am restricted to gay specific venues to be who I am.

In Victoria, I can be who I am no matter where I am. I am no longer suffering from any Internalised Homophobia (Internalised Homophobia - The Rainbow Project).

I simply use the same personal safety measures like every other person does, it's just that simple now.

Melbourne just keeps on giving!

Charles and I in regional Victoria: "Go as far as you can see and you'll see further" - Zig Zagler.

My amazing friend Mo gifted me an awesome book titled "A Gay Man". This book really helped me understand who I am and it also allowed me to make sense of the world I live in. It's the best book I have ever read. Visit this website if you'd like a copy: A Gay Man Book.